health

March 13, 2026

In my 20s ‘treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ felt like power. In my 50s I see that dating strategy for what it is: fear

I am capable, a woman of substance. Yet I get a ‘maybe’ from a man I meet on a dating app and I regress three decades

In my 20s ‘treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ felt like power. In my 50s I see that dating strategy for what it is: fear

TL;DR

  • The dating strategy 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' was prevalent in the 90s and seen as a way to gain power and value.
  • In midlife, this strategy is viewed as hiding from potential partners, fearing one's true self is 'too heavy' due to life experiences.
  • Playing hard to get attracts men who enjoy the chase and uncertainty, not secure men seeking genuine connection.
  • The author realized this approach led to attracting men who vanished once she expressed genuine interest, as she stopped being a fantasy and started being a woman.
  • At over 50, the author chooses to be upfront about her feelings and desires, betting that the right man will seek a partner to rest with, not a challenge to conquer.

Continue reading the original article

Made withNostr