health
February 22, 2026
‘She would pop up in my sexual fantasies’: what happens when you fancy your therapist?
They’re often compassionate good listeners who focus on their clients’ needs – so is it any wonder many patients find themselves with a crush? A writer, who is in exactly this position, talks to people on both sides of the couch
TL;DR
- Patients often develop crushes or romantic feelings for their therapists due to the focused attention, empathy, and perceived understanding they receive.
- This phenomenon is explained by the psychoanalytic concept of 'transference,' where clients project past feelings, desires, and attitudes onto their therapist.
- While common, relationships between clients and therapists are generally discouraged, even after therapy has ended, and can have serious ethical and personal consequences.
- Experts encourage open discussion of transference within therapy sessions as a way to explore deeper issues, rather than suppress the feelings.
- Countertransference refers to the feelings a therapist experiences in response to a client, which can also be a rich area for therapeutic exploration.
- In the UK, the therapy profession is not fully regulated, leading to potential risks if therapists lack proper training in handling transference and countertransference.
- A cautionary tale illustrates the devastating impact of a therapist acting on transference, leading to loss of professional license and catastrophic personal fallout for the client.
- Despite the potential for negative outcomes, some believe that in rare, exceptional circumstances, relationships between former therapists and clients might work, provided ethical boundaries are strictly maintained.
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