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March 25, 2026
'What’s your favorite thing about me?’ How to deal with a conversational narcissist
We all know a person who sees every chat as an opportunity to go on and on about themselves. And sometimes that person is us …
TL;DR
- Conversational narcissism is the tendency to continually shift the focus of a conversation back to oneself.
- It was coined by sociologist Charles Derber in 1979, reflecting a characteristic of 1970s American culture.
- This behavior may stem from insecurity or a lack of social skills, rather than intentional self-absorption.
- Signs include making the interlocutor feel drained and exhibiting a "glazed look" that signals disinterest in the other person's contribution.
- A tactic called "boomerasking" involves asking a question and then answering it as if it were asked of oneself.
- The article suggests cultivating genuine interest in the other person and listening to their responses.
- A suggested "do say" is: "You can’t just walk in here and start talking about yourself. A conversation is not a monologue."