health

February 9, 2026

I spent years meeting strangers for masochistic hook-ups. Was I a sex addict?

After a sexually frustrating marriage led to divorce, I chased increasingly extreme BDSM encounters. But I never felt truly satisfied. Had I been looking for the wrong thing all along?

I spent years meeting strangers for masochistic hook-ups. Was I a sex addict?

TL;DR

  • The author, Leesa, details her journey with compulsive sexual behavior, specifically BDSM encounters, after a divorce.
  • She initially sought these encounters to fulfill long-suppressed sexual desires, finding a temporary outlet in BDSM.
  • Over time, the encounters became increasingly extreme and compulsive, leading to physical harm and emotional distress.
  • Leesa realized her behavior was not about sex itself, but a coping mechanism for deeper emotional pain and unmet needs, particularly a pattern of people-pleasing and fear of abandonment.
  • She sought therapy and worked through a 12-step program, achieving recovery by addressing the root causes of her addiction and learning to build healthier connections with herself and others.
  • Experts clarify that BDSM itself is not inherently addictive or harmful, but the dependency on it and its use as a coping mechanism defines compulsive sexual behavior.

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