Talk less, listen more and six other top tips on giving good advice
Are you someone who thinks they have all the answers? Is your experience relevant here? Experts on the questions to ask yourself before giving advice
TL;DR
- People often want to vent or gauge reactions, not necessarily receive advice.
- The 'advice monster' is the urge to solve problems quickly, driven by a desire for control.
- Ask if someone wants advice or just to vent.
- Giving advice as a default response or too quickly can be problematic.
- Focus on helping people feel seen, heard, and encouraged.
- Avoid giving advice that implies superiority and creates a power imbalance.
- Practice active listening and allow conversations to unfold before offering solutions.
- Help-seekers are more likely to act on advice they feel they generated themselves.
- Stay curious and ask open-ended questions to uncover the real problem.
- Align expectations with reality, especially in the age of social media comparison.
- Commitment to a person's feelings, rather than decommitment, leads to better support.
- Be mindful of personal biases when giving advice.
- Hold space for the person, listen, and only share personal experiences if they bring the focus back to them.
- Encourage self-reflection by asking about their options and listening to their instincts.
- Avoid shaming children or teenagers when giving advice; instead, foster an environment where they feel safe to seek help.
- Use tools like drawing or pre-arranged signals for children to communicate their need for help.
- It's okay to say 'I don't know' and guide people to resources or experts.
- Responsive, empathetic advice builds trust more effectively than prescriptive advice.
- AI can provide information quickly but lacks the human connection and follow-up care essential for good advice.
- Follow up with advice-seekers and ask for feedback to improve your own advice-giving skills.