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February 5, 2026
After high school, a friend I was very close to drifted away. Should I seek closure from her?
Getting closure and reaching out are two different questions, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. One may not help with the other
TL;DR
- The letter writer drifted apart from a close high school friend after developing a significant crush on her.
- The writer seeks closure on why the friendship ended and if the memory of it still matters to the friend.
- Eleanor Gordon-Smith differentiates between seeking closure and reaching out, stating they are not the same question.
- Closure can be found internally without direct contact with the other person.
- Reaching out might not necessarily result in closure, as the friend may not have a 'satisfying answer' or may not perceive the relationship's end as a story.
- Internal methods for closure include writing an unsent letter, reframing the narrative personally, or appreciating the past friendship separately from the present situation.
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