health
March 13, 2026
“I could barely think because it was so bad”: how pain changes us
Darcey Steinke wanted to write a book that wasn’t just about trying to get over pain. Her memoir, This Is the Door, explores how chronic pain changes us
TL;DR
- Darcey Steinke's memoir, "This Is the Door," investigates the transformative effects of chronic pain.
- Steinke's personal experience with a herniated disc led to significant physical and emotional changes, including difficulty sitting and feelings of anxiety.
- The book explores how chronic pain can increase empathy, alter one's perspective on life and spirituality, and connect individuals with a deeper sense of reality.
- Steinke interviewed around 80 people and researched the history of pain, including examining artifacts and historical texts.
- She found that many people in chronic pain reported their experiences led to a "realigned relationship with the universe" and a greater connection with reality.
- The memoir contrasts with typical pain memoirs that focus solely on a cure, instead examining pain as an integral part of life.
- Artists like Frida Kahlo and Kurt Cobain are discussed as examples of individuals who channeled their pain into their work.
- Pain prompts reflections on mortality and the aging process, leading to a re-evaluation of life's priorities.
- Steinke visited the pilgrimage site of Lourdes, France, to observe rituals related to pain and faith, noting the profound emotional responses of sufferers.
- The book suggests that while pain is difficult, it can lead to personal growth and a more authentic engagement with life and others.
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