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May 1, 2026
A friend I’ve known for 50 years has become a self-absorbed, petulant know-all. Should I cut off contact?
This is a fairly common problem with decades-long friendship, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Do you respond to the person you knew, or the one you’re tired of knowing?
TL;DR
- A 50-year friendship is challenged by one friend's transformation into a self-absorbed, petulant know-all.
- The friend frequently discusses her health issues, ignoring others' concerns, leading some to label her a narcissist.
- The writer has reduced contact but is urged by others to end the friendship entirely.
- The advice columnist notes that people change over decades, and past positive interactions don't guarantee future positive ones.
- Friendship involves considering both the past shared history and the future potential of the relationship.
- It's suggested not to end the friendship unless the friend commits a significant wrong, as a small remaining connection can honor the past or allow for the possibility of change.
- True friendship, according to Aristotle, requires equality, and interacting with pity or contempt may indicate the relationship has shifted to mere acquaintance based on history.