health
The Psychiatrist’s Case for Downsizing a Friendship
A new book on attachment theory proposes a radical solution for the anxious among us.
TL;DR
- Attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, secure) are presented as natural biodiversity, not solely trauma responses.
- Levine's new book, "Secure," advocates for adapting one's social environment to better suit these styles, rather than forcing self-change.
- Anxious attachers are advised to seek consistent, available, responsive, reliable, and predictable (CARRP) people and distance themselves from those who are unresponsive.
- Avoidant attachers are encouraged to find people who support their need for independence and to communicate their needs clearly.
- The book reframes attachment styles, suggesting that even "secure" individuals may not be highly attuned to social cues.
- Levine emphasizes that transformation often comes from shifts in surroundings, likening sensitive individuals to "orchids" that need specific conditions to flourish.
- The approach encourages "right-sizing" relationships rather than abandoning them, focusing on mutual intensity and appropriate connection levels.
- The article notes a societal trend towards increasing insecure attachment styles and decreasing secure ones.