health
My friend's negative self-talk is straining our relationship. What can I do?
Self-doubt doesn’t respond to evidence, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Rather than disputing it, perhaps you could engage in a different way
TL;DR
- A friendship is strained due to one friend's persistent negative self-talk and self-doubt, which is emotionally taxing for the other friend.
- Traditional reassurance methods are ineffective against deep self-doubt, which operates differently from regular doubt.
- The reassurance cycle can be a ritual for the self-doubter, and the friend providing reassurance might inadvertently be contributing to it.
- Instead of arguing with the negative content, it is advised to acknowledge the friend's experience of having such thoughts, e.g., 'It sounds really hard to feel that way'.
- This approach shifts the focus from the value of the self-doubting thoughts to the experience of having them, helping to resist the cycle.