health
I Don't Know What God Is. But The Search Keeps Me Grounded And Feeling Alive
I rejected the church as a teen. But I’ve lately felt called to look for God – and my understanding has changed
TL;DR
- The author developed a practice called “When I look for God” during the pandemic to find grounding amidst uncertainty.
- A life-shifting surfing experience led to a spiritual yearning and frequent encounters of grace.
- Raised Catholic, the author rejected the Church in their teens due to its perceived biases.
- The practice involved seeking God in quiet moments, often outdoors, by clearing the mind and being open to presence.
- God's presence manifested in nature (dolphins, whales, osprey) and in human encounters.
- An encounter with a lonely, mentally unwell man on a park bench shifted the author's understanding of God as potentially disruptive or intrusive.
- A persistent fly in the author's home also became an unexpected encounter, reframing irritation into company.
- The practice of looking for God provides respite from rumination, reduces anxiety, and fosters living in the present.
- The author now believes God finds them, often in unwelcome or desolate moments, emphasizing attunement over intention.