health
Should I leave my polyamorous relationship if I want to start a family?
Polyamory is supposed to be about abundance, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. But your partner’s behaviour risks making it a zero-sum arrangement
TL;DR
- The author is in a six-year polyamorous relationship and wants to establish stricter boundaries, including pausing promiscuity, as they consider marriage and starting a family.
- Her partner refuses to commit to these boundaries on philosophical grounds, stating that he believes nobody can promise anything forever.
- The author feels vulnerable and questions her partner's commitment to being a supportive husband and co-parent if he prioritizes philosophy over her comfort.
- The advice columnist points out the inconsistency in the partner's position, arguing that commitments are decisions to act, not predictions of the future, and questions his philosophical stance.
- The columnist suggests that if the partner is unwilling to compromise or consider the author's needs, she should not proceed with major life milestones under such an arrangement.